Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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