OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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