He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
