Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
