Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
