Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
