I cut my penus on the lid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
