My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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