Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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