a search helicopter?!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
