Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
