he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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