just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
