I want to have your abortion
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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