I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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