You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to make out with him forever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
