She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
