I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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