I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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