My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
