it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
