I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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