so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
