Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
