i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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