Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
