I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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