I feel like I'm in dance class right now
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
