so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
