well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
