Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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