Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
