He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is Oprah even human
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
