Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
