I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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