Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
