I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
