so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I supernannyed him into submission
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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