I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
