it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
