So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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