my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
