All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
