i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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