Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
