I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
