i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
