Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
