I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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