Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
