i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
