She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
